The Onion Spoofs Social Conservatives with Abortionplex Satire

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May 18, 2011; Source: The Onion | When social conservatives rant against Planned Parenthood – which spends only 3 percent of its resources on abortions – some might imagine the nonprofit designing sprawling abortion facilities in locales such as rock-ribbed anti-abortion Topeka, Kan.

The Onion puts social conservative nightmares on paper with the announcement of an “Abortionplex”, fake-quoting Planned Parenthood’s president as saying, “Although we've traditionally dedicated 97 percent of our resources to other important services such as contraception distribution, cancer screening, and STD testing, this new complex allows us to devote our full attention to what has always been our true passion: abortion.”

The Onion satirists note that, “Hundreds of on-site counselors are also available to meet with clients free of charge and go over the many ways that carrying a child to term will burden them and very likely ruin their lives.”

Abortionplex Floor Plan

The Abortionplex Floor Plan, image by the Onion

On the main floor of the imaginary Abortionplex, there would be a day care center to tend to children while their moms are in surgery, “abortion suites” in which women will have abortions and a flute of champagne, a food court, and a rock climbing wall. Elsewhere in the facility would be bars, coffee shops, restaurants, retail outlets, a three-story nightclub, and a 10-screen multiplex theater.

Uh, dear social conservatives, this is a satirical article from The Onion. This is satire, along the lines of “The Simpsons,” the Ig Nobel prizes, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, “South Park”, and Brooke Alvarez reading the headlines on the Onion News Network. What satire like this is useful for is to highlight the degree to which Planned Parenthood’s critics have demonized an organization that provides crucial health services to women. That last sentence is not satire.—Rick Cohen

  • Howard Freeman

    But aren’t social conservatives justified in thinking that even the 3% worth of spending is too much, as is the number of abortions that that 3% of spending allows, if abortion is principally wrong in their minds?

    Are governments that sponsor beautiful artwork or magnificent architecture or ineffable music or writing, yet commit genocidal acts that only wartime correspondents uncover, not to be held accountable?

  • rick cohen

    Yes, Howard, that’s true, but you and I both know that the public misinformation about Planned Parenthood is that abortion work is the overwhelming bulk of what they do, which isn’t true, and that there is little or no value to the non-abortion work that they do, which is also not true. That was why the 97% item in the Onion article was so satirically on point. But yes, social conservatives could, if they’re consistent, declare .03%, not just 3%, as against their values and not to be tolerated.

  • Rosalind F.

    Howard, it’s fine for social conservatives to think that any number of abortions is too many, but what is not fine is using lies and distorted information to try and terminate Planned Parenthood’s Federal funding (which does not go towards abortions).

  • James Charles

    Very sad, FIRST that NPQ would bother circulating satire (but that appears to be their level of journalism), and SECOND that the killing of defenseless life (abortion) is grounds for satire from anyone. Shame on us, who purport to promote and protect human rights.

  • Ashley

    Satire in it’s very nature is meant to prove a point. It is meant to make you think for yourself. What I think is wrong is people who think You should hush up big issues because there is controversy. Is abortion funny? No, it is not. Is shutting down a facility that might catch cervical cancer before it spreads funny? No, it is not. Is talking about a controversial issue to bring to light all the good things that Planned Parenthood did, or might have done, a good idea? Yes, it is.

  • Lydia Alcock

    The funny isn’t the *abortions*. The funny is the rampant gullibility of the right.

    Believe me, to anyone not prone to bouts of overserious hysteria, this was a hoot.

  • Nick

    Facebook on the abortionplex, enjoy.

  • Howard Freeman

    I agree with Rick and Rosalind’s sentiments that the distortions by social conservatives are wrong and also counterproductive. And a real quick way to end a debate or collaborative problem-solving.

  • John B.

    😀 I laughed myself sick at this image thinking there would be some idiot out there that would believe it.