Welcome back to NPQ’s fundraising advice column, Ask Rhea. Rhea Wong is a fundraising expert and professional coach, exuberant author of Get That Money, Honey!, host of the Nonprofit Lowdown podcast, and an unfailingly encouraging voice in a sometimes-bleak landscape. Rhea wants you to succeed, and she’s here to answer your questions.
In today’s issue, Rhea covers the difference between stewardship that works and stewardship that doesn’t.
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Dear Rhea,
I’ve noticed that my retention is less than 50 percent year to year.
I don’t really understand it, because we do all the things. We send the thank-you notes, we make the phone calls, we send the impact report, and yet people aren’t giving again.
What can I do?
Sincerely,
Confused in California
Dear Confused in California,
You’re going through the motions without the intention behind it.
When I give to a nonprofit, I don’t give to be thanked (though you shouldn’t forget to thank people). I give to feel something, to be part of something, and to make something better.
Over 10 years ago, I watched a Maasai initiation ritual in Kenya. Young boys were sent on a lion hunt to become men. It wasn’t a symbolic gesture. It was real, it was dangerous, and it marked a fundamental shift in their place in the community. After that hunt, they belonged differently. They were no longer boys. They were men. The tribe knew it, and they knew it.
The world is full of these rituals and initiation ceremonies. Bar mitzvahs. Weddings. Military boot camp. Sorority pledging. Graduation ceremonies. Tribes everywhere use these moments to say: you’ve crossed a threshold. You belong now. You’re one of us.
Humans have built belonging through rituals for thousands of years. It’s how we know who we are and where we fit.
Yet nothing like this exists in the nonprofit world.
Nonprofits don’t initiate donors. They thank them. They send letters, make calls, and host events. But nowhere is there a moment that says: you’ve crossed a threshold. You belong to our mission now. You’re part of our tribe. You can’t be uninitiated.
That’s the gap. That’s why most donor relationships stay shallow.
The Mistake Nonprofit Leaders Make
Nonprofit leaders make the same mistakes with stewardship over and over again.
They design a system first. They create a communication calendar, map out touchpoints, build a thank-you workflow. Entry call at 30 days. Quarterly update at 90 days. Annual event in November. Another thank-you in December. They check every box. They execute.
Then donors don’t come back.
Nonprofits don’t initiate donors. They thank them. But nowhere is there a moment that says: you’ve crossed a threshold. You belong to our mission now. You’re part of our tribe.
They blame the donors. They blame the economy. They blame the board. What they don’t blame is the system itself, because they never stopped to ask a fundamental question: Do we actually believe that donor relationships are built through initiation and belonging?
They assumed the tactics would work. They never asked about the belief underneath.
Why Tactical Stewardship Fails
I once went to Eleven Madison Park on my birthday, which inspired the TV show, The Bear. The menu had “Happy Birthday, Rhea” printed on it. That detail made me feel initiated. Like I belonged there.
No one trained them to do that. No stewardship calendar told them to create that moment. They did it because they believe belonging is built through unexpected delight, through recognition and ritual. The tactic came from their belief about belonging.
Organizations that get stewardship right don’t start by designing a system. They start by asking questions: Do we believe in belonging? Do we want to initiate people into our movement? Are we willing to build rituals that say you’re one of us?
The ones that fail start with the calendar. They design touchpoints, create a communication schedule, check the boxes. Then they execute it without the belief underneath. Donors feel the difference immediately. It’s all theater.
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The Question Before the System
Before you build anything, ask yourself: Do we actually believe that our donors are members of our mission, not funding sources?
If you said no, stop here. Design whatever system you want. It won’t work the way you want it to.
If you said yes, then ask: What rituals and markers of belonging will actually make people feel initiated into our movement?
Don’t copy what other organizations are doing. Don’t look up best practices. Ask what initiation looks like in your specific context. What would make someone feel chosen, seen, brought inside?
For Eleven Madison Park, it’s about creating moments of unexpected delight. For your organization, it might be something completely different.
The point is that the tactic has to flow from your belief about belonging.
What the System Could Look Like
Once you know what you believe, here’s a sample of what the system could look like—built on that belief, in creating loyalty, belonging, and lifelong community members.
Belonging matters more than gratitude; initiation creates loyalty; people give because they want to be part of something.
Entry (First 30 Days): The Initiation
Someone with authority has a real conversation with the donor. Not a thank-you call. A conversation that says: You’ve joined something. Tell us why this matters to you.
Education (Quarterly): Insider Knowledge
Quarterly updates that show donors what’s happening inside the movement. The real version, not the polished one. Treated like members, not like outsiders.
Participation (Annual): Ritual and Role
Invite them into the actual work. Strategy meetings. Planning conversations. Decisions that matter. They leave with a role, not just an event attendance record.
Recalibration (Annual): Belonging Check
Ask directly: Are we aligned? Are you still with us? What do you need to belong here?
Acknowledgment (Ongoing): The Markers
You remember. You mark the moment. You create the rituals that say: We see you; you’re one of us.
The Real Audit
Before year-end, stop asking tactical questions. Ask instead:
- Do we actually believe that our donors are members of a movement, not just funding sources?
- Have we created rituals that initiate people into belonging, or are we just executing a schedule?
- Would a donor feel the belief of belonging underneath our stewardship, or does it feel hollow?
- Are we willing to build belonging in ways that are specific to our mission, or are we copying what we think we should do?
- Do our leaders actually model this belief, or are we asking development staff to create belonging while leadership treats donors transactionally?
If you can’t honestly answer yes to all of these, your stewardship system will never work. You have a process, not a movement.
What This Actually Means
Stewardship is a system. It can be built, trained, and operationalized. But it doesn’t start there.
It starts with a fundamental belief: belonging matters more than gratitude; initiation creates loyalty; people give because they want to be part of something.
Once you actually believe that—not just say it but build decisions around it—the system becomes real. The tactics become authentic. Donors feel it. And that’s when people don’t just come back. That’s when they can’t imagine not coming back.
That’s when you’ve built something that lasts.
Stay authentic,
Rhea
You can find more insights and resources from Rhea at rheawong.com.
